Comforted by Control

I was a little disappointed with how our lost weekend went. I was really looking forward to having every aspect of my life controlled by ML (at least, what was possible, due to child interruptions). Work stuff doesn’t usually affect me at home, as I’m usually good with “leaving it at the office,” but this ended up being a particularly bad day.

One thing I will say is that the bits of control that we were able to do really comforted me and calmed me down. It wasn’t so much a sexual thing because my horny had been ruined by “dude’s bleeding to death” as ML put it. I can’t even really describe it all that well. Wearing the collar, serving My Lady, and following her instructions… it all just made me feel at peace.

I think it’s because that’s who I really am at heart. I really was made to be ML’s subby hubby, and nothing makes me feel better than filling that role. When I’m submitting to her, I feel like I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. And although it might not fix everything about a bad day, it will always be that bright spot in my life that I can turn to.

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Gift From a Happy Submissive

I just wrote about the type of dominant I am. I know I’m pretty good at what I do but, I’m human and I’m not perfect. I try my best to keep all of the boys happy, teased, horny and frustrated as well as focused on goals, overcoming life’s obstacles and bettering themselves. 🙂 I love when they take the opportunity to let me know in words or even gifts that they appreciate me and love what I do for them.

Thank you to my panty wearing, ass plugged, tiny dicked, sissy boy for the beautiful steel bracelet. What a gorgeous Christmas gift. 🙂
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What type of Mistress (Dominant) Are You?

I just took this quiz called “What type of Mistress are you?” First of all I’m not a mistress at all. I am also not a Goddess, Princess or whatever other titles people may go by. I’m a dominant woman and I think there is a difference there. Before I go on with my post here are my results:

Congratulations, you are a very Sensual & Sexual Mistress.
You will use your submissive for your own enjoyment. If your submissive enjoys himself, that is OK, but you will use his body for your own pleasure. You pleasure comes first. You are not out to cause undue pain in your submissive but you realize that some is required for him to stay in line.
You enjoy being in control and you enjoy the pleasure you can take from your submissive. His body is for your use first and foremost.You have a healthy attituded toward sex. You enjoy men, but when you are in control, you will enjoy yourself first and then let him enjoy himself. You would not be a Mistress if your submissive did not also enjoy it. You are a Mistress because both of you enjoy the feelings of letting go and exploring each other.

So, let me start off by telling you I changed the wording in there to read “submissive” because I, in no way, have a slave for a subby hubby, which it suggested. With that said, most of that is pretty accurate about yours truly. I very much use my hubby to satisfy me first and then maybe, just maybe, he gets some, though that’s few and far between these days. I would say I actually do enjoy inflicting some pain because of the reaction it causes. I would also strongly argue that I would, in fact, be a “mistress” or Dominant woman because that’s just who I am. I may not be to the extent that I am if he didn’t enjoy it but that’s why we’re together. We are each other’s perfect compliment.

If you read the earlier posts here you’ll know that way back 15 years ago we had a Tease & Denial Yahoo group. Our little group had over 600 members and each and every one of them called me Ms. Aggressive. Even back then I knew I was not a mistress. Looking back I realize, 15yrs so, I was a very involved and very attentive Dom. We had chats, emails, tasks, pics, video and even audio. Not nearly as easy as we do now with smartphones and cameras at the touch of a finger, but we had it. I will say, I was much younger and inexperienced and didn’t have loads of information available in an instant like we do now. Being so young and naive cagedmonkey and I didn’t have a sense of priority or realize a contract between us may have been a good thing. As I mentioned I was very attentive and involved which meant a lot of time was consumed teasing other men and denying them when in reality the focus should have been on my monkey boy. Eventually we’d gotten married, moved, started fertility treatments to have kids and away went the Yahoo group.

What is my point in all that? I guess my point is that I’ve always been a very involved, attentive and playful Dom. I’m still that way now with my hubby and any other subby boys I may take on. I get to know them deep down, I create personalized goals and tasks for them, I keep track of them individually and build a meaningful relationship with them. It is not the same relationship I have with my husband but it definitely has depth and meaning, support and caring, rewards and punishments similar to my marriage. I do genuinely begin to care for them and what goes on in their lives.

There are some Doms or mistresses that require money for such services – probably a lot for something similar to the attention I give – but that isn’t what I do. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with it, by any means, it’s just not what I do. I like to be the dominant, attentive, involved, cocktease that I am for them. If I receive something for it, gift cards or homemade gifts or anything, I want it to be because I’m awesome at what I do. I want it to be because they appreciate me and not because I require it. I want them to want to show me they care about me, appreciate me and are devoted to me. It pleases me ever so much.

I think it’s important that a submissive know what they need as a submissive. It’s important that a Dom know what they need. I always say how communication it’s important because, IT IS! If you are looking for a generic D/s or M/s relationship where you get the same tasks and goals as any other person who buys them, awesome, that’s easy. If you are looking for an actual relationship, you can’t just sign into Fetlife and meet someone who calls themselves a mistress and expect them to know how to handle you.

The few boys I currently dominate, besides my number one subby hubby, I’ve gotten to know. A couple are in chastity and I hold their keys, those boys are also long distance subs so our interaction is limited to online, email, text messages, etc. All of my boys are required to follow my rules, complete my tasks and accept and complete my punishments. I get to know my boys and I take the time to make their experience very personal. I give them time with me, I support them and encourage them to become better men for their wives or partners or future ones. I strive to keep them healthy and functioning at their best in all they do. I will say that I have some very good subs and, most of the time, they keep me very pleased. I do hope that I do the same for them. I’m actually, publicly going to require that my boys take a minute to reply to this post and write a “review” or testimonial of sorts. I want you boys to really think about what it is I do for you and how it makes you feel. If you’d rather do it anonymously let me know and I’ll post it.

I do have a certain someone who’s a different case, not in chastity and who is local. That’s an entirely different dynamic altogether. Hubby and I pretty much Dom him together, though I am dominant to them all. I love it, it boosts my self esteem knowing how I help them, support them and give them that piece in their lives they may feel is missing.

Anyway, I’m glad I’m the Domme that I am, I’m blessed with a hubby who understands and supports me having these boys. It’s work, but I always prioritize my family and my number one locked up subby boy but I love every minute of it. Thank you to hubby and all my boys for fulfilling me and keeping me pleased like the good boys you are.

Rough and Tender

Last night, My Lady and I were spending some time together on the couch before I had to leave for work. I was laying down and ML was laying on top of me. It was insanely comfortable; so comfortable, in fact, that I had to set the alarm on my phone just in case we fell asleep. And we did just that, snoozing for about an hour or so. I set the alarm early enough so I wouldn’t need to scramble to get ready for work. It turned out that I would need to anyway, only because ML found another use for that extra time.

After I got dressed, ML motioned for me to kneel in front of her on the couch. I knelt before her and she began touching my body, running her hands underneath my shirt and caressing my chest. Her fingertips found my nipples and began teasing them with her delicate touch. I couldn’t hold back the sounds of pleasure, and I moaned into ML’s mouth as she leaned down to kiss me. This very often fuels ML’s dominance over me, and this time was no different.

My Lady pushed me down onto the floor, straddled my body, and virtually attacked me in all ways sexually. She kissed my roughly, sucking my tongue deep into her mouth until I could feel the slightly painful tug on my stretched out tongue. She shoved hers deep into my mouth until I nearly gagged. She bit my lip gently, drawing startled yelps from me and driving her further into her sexual frenzy. She was unstoppable, and I didn’t want her to stop!

It felt incredible. I experienced so many conflicting feelings – I was excited that ML was so damn turned on. I was surprised each time she turned up the intensity, and a little shocked each time she caused me a little bit of pain. And I was also somewhat scared of what she would do to me next.

But most of all, I felt like I was being used. My Lady has this sexual energy that she needed to release, and I was her target. It wasn’t about pleasing me, teasing me, or even causing me pain or pleasure. It was about her getting what she needed, and using me to get it. Without even noticing it, I started moaning, “Oh God yes, please use me!” It felt so good to be her sexual plaything and nothing else in that moment.

After ML released the energy she needed to and began to come down from her sexual high, she turned to “cuddle mode” and held me tight against her body. I could feel the change in her body as she transitioned to aftercare. What wasn’t so clear was who needed the aftercare – although she was holding me and telling me she was there for me, I could sense that ML was a little intimidated by her behavior. I made sure to tell her that I was okay, and that it was an amazing experience. I wanted her to know that she did nothing wrong by using me like that. I didn’t want the feelings of guilt that bring on her domme drop to creep in.

And it seemed to work. 🙂 ML was able to avoid the domme drop that sometimes follows an intense scene like that, and her excitement has only grown since then. She told me this morning that hearing me almost beg for her to use me drove her crazy and made her want to use me more.

I can sense her confidence and power growing, even as I sit next to her on the couch. I feel it radiating from her. She has me home all night long tonight, and I can’t even imagine where her newfound intensity will take us.

Truly Controlled

Over the past few days, I’ve really been feeling the “enforced” part of our enforced chastity lifestyle. The last couple of days have been really rough. I’m definitely in that “I want out so badly” zone right now. I guess ten straight days of 24/7 locked in chastity will do that sort of thing.

It’s pretty much as bad as I can remember it right now. I know that I’m only about halfway to my prior longest 24/7 period, but I dunno… something about this time is just making it so difficult to deal with! My Lady has been extra physical and lovey with me lately: we’ve been cuddling naked in bed on the nights I’m home, and I’m giving her orgasms almost constantly throughout the day. I smell her pussy on my hands, I taste her on my lips. I cannot get her sex off my mind. She is also demanding more submissive behaviors from me, which I am gladly fulfilling.

I think the hardest part is how she had been telling me that she wants to unlock me so bad, to feel my cock deep in her pussy, to fill her up with my cum… join the club, ma’am! 😉 I can feel the want and desire that she has for me; it’s real, it’s not a put on. She really wants my cock. However, my subtle reminders that she can have it whenever she wants have not been successful. The cage is still locked on; her resolve is much stronger than mine would be.

But that is why she controls me: she knows that if she makes me wait just a little longer, the increase in intensity will be worth it. She knows that when she unlocks me, when my cock gets full and hard for the first time in weeks, when I feel her warm wet pussy squeeze my shaft… the longer she makes us wait, the more incredible it will be.

I wouldn’t have waited this long; I know that because my begging and pleading has been genuine for days now. I need to be released, badly… but I will only my released it when my keyholder needs it, too.

An Eventful Night: Part II – A Huge Mess

(Click here to read Part I of An Eventful Night)

My Lady had put me in an extremely submissive position. I felt broken down and defeated, completely at ML’s mercy that she was not willing to give. What she was willing to give me was tender aftercare, holding me as I lost control of my emotions. ML’s aftercare drove me further into my submission, which fed my growing urge to please my dominant lover.

Most often, when I hit this depth of submission, I find the urge to please My Lady’s pussy unbearable. This time was no different. I shoved my face into her pussy and found her soaking wet. She was flooded with pussy juices, obviously turned on by her extreme dominance over me. I didn’t even take the time to move between her legs; I was facing ML’s feet, angled off to her right slightly, licking her from clit to asshole and loving every minute of it.

As I was smearing her juices all over my face, I felt ML’s hands running over my ass cheeks. I moaned as her fingertips traced over my skin. Little did I know that she wasn’t just rubbing my ass, she was warming me up for something more.

I was surprised by the feeling of cold rubber pressing against my asshole. I moaned into ML’s pussy once more as the tip of the vibrating anal plug slipped into my ass. ML slid the plug in further until I felt it bumping up against my prostate. When she turned the vibration on, I nearly squealed in response.

I could feel the pressure building inside as the plug massaged my swollen prostate, backed up with more than a month’s worth of unreleased cum. It was hard to keep my concentration as my cock twitched inside its cage. My Lady refocused me by grabbing the back of my head and shoving my face back into her horny pussy.

I continued to please My Lady’s pussy, even as the sensations inside my ass became more intense. My moans got louder as I felt the pressure building and building. Then I felt ML’s fingers push upward underneath my balls. I groaned as I felt the pressure push past the breaking point…

The fluid gushed from my cock, in what felt like almost a constant stream. Luckily, ML had placed a towel underneath my dangling cock cage, so as not to soak the mattress… although she milked me so thoroughly, towel was totally soaked through! It was only the second time I had experienced this, and the first time with My Lady. It was amazing how much fluid ML was able to milk from me! The mattress was only slightly damp underneath the towel, so it wasn’t too uncomfortable when ML made me sleep in it. 🙂

After the intensity of my emotional craziness earlier, the milking gave us both something to laugh and smile about before we went to sleep. Apparently, ML is not the only squirter in the household!

The Chaste Sub Mindset

I must admit, I haven’t been the best sub that I can be lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been disobedient or resistant. I haven’t been cranky or irritable. I haven’t whined or begged… too much (My Lady loves a little bit of desperation, after all!). I’ve been very giving with both my time and energy lately, doing whatever I can to please My Lady. The problem isn’t what I am doing or not doing. The problem is the reasons and motivations behind my actions.

My motivation for pleasing ML is pretty much expected at this point in my denial – I’m goddamn horny as fuck with a heaping side of blue balls. After a solid month of being teased nearly nonstop by the sexiest woman I’ve even known and not being allowed to cum, I guess I can’t be blamed much for that. But as much as ML loves the desperate state of aching horniness that I’m currently in, it sometimes works against my subby mindset. I’ll explain.

I’ve written before about how much I love to lick My Lady’s pussy. I love how she tastes, I love how her body reacts when I give her sweet kisses on her clit. I love it when she moans when I shove my tongue as far into her pussy as I possibly can. I love how her pussy walls squeeze my tongue when I wiggle it around inside her. I love how her body shudders when I swirl my tongue around her clit. And it feels great when I give her a nice, loud, intense orgasm with just my mouth.

And now here’s the problem: did you notice how many “I”s there are in that paragraph? The answer is: waaaaaaaaaaay too many.

I’ve noticed that recently I’ve been focusing too much attention on what my body needs or what my mind wants. It’s too much “me.” I’ve been asking to be unlocked a lot more often this month than I have ever before; and, although ML loves to hear me beg, I’m not so much begging but asking as if I expect a yes. Espcecially after pleasing ML in one way or another, I’m getting those “Okay, what about me?” feelings very frequently. This can’t go on.

I’ve been pleasing ML very well lately, but I’ve been doing it because I want to do it. I need to get back to pleasing her because she wants it. I need to get back to doing what she wants, not asking if I can do what I want. I need to get back to licking her pussy because it feels good for her, not because I think her pussy is delicious. And I need to get back to making her cum if and only if she demands it, not because I love to do it. I need to push my sexual needs and desires so far behind My Lady’s so that there is absolutely no question which is most important.

ML already has plans to get me moving in the right direction. After mentioning that I was off for the next two nights, she responded with this text:

Good. I’m in the mood for some ass worship. It’s been awhile since I just laid on my tummy and had you make love to my ass with your tongue.

She always knows just what I need. 🙂