When cagedmonkey and I first met, he knew from that moment I was a dominant person. I mean, how could he not know when he started talking to a chick with “Aggressive” as part of her screenname. From the very beginning of our relationship I’ve always been pretty much in control of everything. I’m talking everything from ordering in drive-thru to handling the finances and the household. No, when we were younger and got together and eventually married we had no clue what a Female Led Relationship or Wife Led Marriage was. Heck we’d never even heard of it until a few months ago when started really getting into Male Chastity.
You see, I’m the kind of person who researches the shit out of a subject that I’m interested in. So in my research about Male Chastity I found a book called How to set up an FLR by Mistress Ivey. Once I read through it I realized that all this time we’d had been living an FLR informally. It just naturally went that way. I, personally, think God is a pretty cool dude, he knows what he’s doing when he connects two souls! When looking back and thinking about things from the beginning, we worked so well because hubby was young and, in a way still needed to be taken care of. I was quite the person who needed to control everything and was a very “mothering” type person. We just went together and worked.
When they say opposites attract I fully agree! Hubby’s a very shy person, I’m a very outgoing person, hubby needs direction and guidance, I love to provide it. Like I said, it totally just worked. I’ve worked very hard over the past 14 years to build cagedmonkey’s confidence and life skills and he’s really become a wonderful man. Nobody’s perfect or ever can be but he’s totally grown into a strong, capable, supportive man and father.
No two Wife Led Marriages will ever look the same. Ours just is the way it is naturally, we didn’t force it or plan it or make it happen. The only difference now is that we finally understand it and recognize it for what it is. We are embracing the fact that these are our natural roles in our marriage and its where we are most comfortable.
No, I do not have a pet or slave who does not or can not think for himself. No, I’m not sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons barking orders at him and forcing him to serve me. It’s totally not like that at all. Our FLR or WLM is mostly wife led. Yes I handle the household, am a stay at home mom, homeschool one of our kids, handle finances, make appointments and pretty much all of the day to day running of the relationship. When it comes to big decisions we make those together and even some of the smaller ones sometimes. The way I describe it is that it’s not a monarchy, I am not a Queen (Off with their heads!) but usually cagedmonkey defers to me and/or I have the final say. 🙂 I like to think it’s because he trusts me and my experience in life to make the best decisions for our family.
I love that we’ve come to this place after all these years. It’s been quite a roller coaster of a journey getting here, but here we are. Sometimes I say, “if only we’d gotten here sooner…” or “if only that didn’t happen…” but then I realize, had this happened sooner or this or that not have happened we would never be where we are. This wouldn’t be a good place. We HAD to go through everything we’ve been through in our relationship to appreciate what we have now and what can become of it.