He Said, She Said/Mail Chastity: Hurts So Good?

We recently received the following comment on one of ML’s posts, specifically her post on breath control. Here is the comment from Dedicatedtoher:

Please explain to me how you can get sexual pleasure from hurting someone you love/ Where is the pleasure , the joy in hurting him? Even if he is a masochist, you have the ability to step back and say: “This I cannot do. I get no pleasure from hurting you” Your sexual thrill from inflicting pain on your husband is something I find difficult to understand. I am happy sadism does not work for my wife and I

Both of us have things we would like to say in response to this. So here is your “He Said, She Said” installment of “Mail Chastity” (or vice versa, whichever tickles your fancy).

Lady M: Thank you so much for your comment and question.  I would like to first point out that I do NOT like to hurt my husband nor do I get pleasure from it. I do love his reaction to some slight pain like pinching nipples, nails on his back or balls or even a spanking. I do believe those are all pretty common ways people create a pain sensation to get a reaction from their partner. As I said, I do not enjoy actually hurting him whatsoever. Since it is the Breath Play post in particular that you are referring to, I want to say that at no time during our play like this do I hurt or intentionally cause him pain. If that were to happen, with a misplaced thumb or something, I stop immediately and adjust. I’m actually terrified of accidentally hurting him and often cut play short sometimes. Breath play is not about pain and has everything to do with the control of his consciousness. That I do love, I love the control I have over him. I love seeing his glossed over eyes as he is slipping off into his dreamy state. That does give me a sexual charge and my crotch is instantly sopping wet and drippy. It really is not painful to experience this but rather relaxing and calm I would imagine.

I hope this helps explain it a bit and as I always say, not everyone will ever enjoy the same things when it comes to most things in life. Although… maybe bacon… everyone, except Cagemonkey, likes bacon! 🙂

Cagedmonkey: First, let me say thank you for the comment. It’s a great question, but I’d like to thank you for being so respectful. Although you may not understand or agree with the things we do, I appreciate your mature attitude towards addressing it. 🙂

I’ll start by saying that there is a big difference between “pain” and “hurt.” When ML pinches my nipples just a teeny bit too hard, that’s pain. When she leans the wrong way and kneels on my ankle or whatever, that hurts. I don’t get any sexual thrill from being hurt. Pain, yes, I find exciting. But there have been instances in the past where ML has accidentally hurt me, and we’ve stopped immediately and addressed the situation (and most likely laughed it off afterwards).

The pain itself isn’t a turn on. What turns me on is the control that is involved. ML can make me feel whatever she wants me to feel; whether that be pleasure, pain, or anywhere in the middle. I love that she can cause these sensations, and I love that I cannot fight them.

With all of that said, the asphyxiation/choking/breath play isn’t as painful as you may think it is. Again, it’s about control: My Lady controls my air supply, and along with that my ability to stay conscious. It’s actually somewhat peaceful, slipping away slowly like that. The worst thing I’d say I experience is fear as I get closer to blacking out, but I trust ML absolutely and completely.

I hope this helps shed some light on why we find this type of play erotic and exciting. It’s definitely not for everyone, but no kink really is. What works for us may not work for you. But what’s important is that it works for us. 🙂

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This Lady has a Sadistic Side – Erotic Asphyxiation and Breath Control

Let me start this post with a Disclaimer of sorts – We are not a professionals, everything we do I research well and use trial and error and explore carefully. Lady & her lovely CagedMonkey take no responsibility for people being stupid and trying something without learning the dangers. FYI: Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath control can be dangerous. Other than that, enjoy! 🙂

I was talking to a guy the other day who is interested in trying out Breath play – aka Erotic Asphyxiation. So we’re just talking about choking someone, right? No, not really, it’s actually a bit more than that. Just incase there are some kinky folks reading this that are not quite sure what this is all about, let me first, explain what it is.

Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath Control is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. It is said that, the carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten sexual sensations. It’s also stated that, when the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state. Combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.

Sounds intense, right? It really is… the part this doesnt describe is how it feels for the person actually causing the restriction of oxygen. In my relationship, I’m the dominant one and I’m the one who likes this and wants to do this. I introduced it to hubby. I restrict oxygen to his brain in a few different ways. I use my big breasts or my stomach to smother him and block his nose and mouth from inhaling. I use my pussy or my ass as well, during facesitting to cut off and control his breathing. Lastly, I choke him or more simply put use both hands at the sides of his neck to push in at his coratids to restrict the blood flow. I do it this way so I do not crush his windpipe.

So in my conversation with this Dom gentleman we got to talking about what he finds hot!
He said, “I’m interested in the choking part. Looking at her face with my hands around her neck and my cock pounding her pussy. To me that very exciting.”

God that sounds hot, I’ve choked hubby and that is so sexy… seeing that fear in his eyes while my hands clenched his throat. When I can see his face it’s awesome, the fear, the glistening of his eyes, the helplessness. I’ve done this once while pegging my hubby “missionary” too, it is such a huge rush and incredibly hot.

With choking… I stay away from the windpipe altogether, instead I push on his coratid arteries on the side of his neck with the side of my hands. It’s so hard to explain, but I wrap my fingers around the side and my thumbs are across his trachea. I push my fingers toward each other, into his neck to push on the arteries and block the flow of blood. I do not push in with my thumbs because that is painful and potentially deadly… you want to cut oxygen not cause actual pain or injury.

When we started this type of play it was trial and error. Once I realized what it did to me, which I’ll explain in a minute, I started researching. Of course, you know this Lady, always researching everything lol. At first I wasnt sure what would cause the wrong kind of pain, where to push etc and cagedmonkey and I set up a little signal depending on what I was doing. He would signal by tapping my butt with a certain rhythm if I was facesitting, a thumbs up giving me the ok to go further or thumbs down to stop if I was choking him.

The first time it happened it didn’t last long, the feelings scared the shit out of me and even caused a huge Domme Drop episode. We talked a lot and I did my research after that we slowly played and built up the length of time I would restrict him. Each time we played I got this huge rush and an extremely drippy wet pussy. The feelings of power are almost overwhelming and I had to take it slow. You can actually SEE the eyes lose focus and glisten when they get right on the edge of consciousness. I can feel a power come over me like a wave. I practically start to chuckle and lose my breath. I get caught up in my own feelings that sometimes I cant let go and instincely squeeze harder. I do try to catch myself before that happens. Cagedmonkey has described it to me as him seeing me kinda getting foggy to him. I can see it happen in his eyes and the thrill is so amazing! I have to be careful because I’m sure bad things could happen if I was to get too lost and forget his life is in my hands. 🙂

This Dom gentleman also asked, “Would fucking her while I sat in a chair and her straddling me with my hand over her mouth and pinching her nose work??”

I think this is something you could manage, but it be better if her back were against something, unless you are wanting her to pull away. When I play with hubby where I am restricting his actual air flow he will start to jerk and instinctively pull away and try gasping. Sometimes he will begin to thrash around and I have to hold my hubby down. So, in my opinion, to really have a good go at this you would want the receiver under you or pinned against something like the back of the couch. Plus, I mean look at the dynamic, how powerful it is to be on top of someone, holding them down, controlling their consciousness.

Again, I want to warn that this is a very delicate thing and you should use extreme caution. Please do not try these things unless you have done some research. Be safe and Enjoy! 🙂

 

The Chaste Sub Mindset

I must admit, I haven’t been the best sub that I can be lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been disobedient or resistant. I haven’t been cranky or irritable. I haven’t whined or begged… too much (My Lady loves a little bit of desperation, after all!). I’ve been very giving with both my time and energy lately, doing whatever I can to please My Lady. The problem isn’t what I am doing or not doing. The problem is the reasons and motivations behind my actions.

My motivation for pleasing ML is pretty much expected at this point in my denial – I’m goddamn horny as fuck with a heaping side of blue balls. After a solid month of being teased nearly nonstop by the sexiest woman I’ve even known and not being allowed to cum, I guess I can’t be blamed much for that. But as much as ML loves the desperate state of aching horniness that I’m currently in, it sometimes works against my subby mindset. I’ll explain.

I’ve written before about how much I love to lick My Lady’s pussy. I love how she tastes, I love how her body reacts when I give her sweet kisses on her clit. I love it when she moans when I shove my tongue as far into her pussy as I possibly can. I love how her pussy walls squeeze my tongue when I wiggle it around inside her. I love how her body shudders when I swirl my tongue around her clit. And it feels great when I give her a nice, loud, intense orgasm with just my mouth.

And now here’s the problem: did you notice how many “I”s there are in that paragraph? The answer is: waaaaaaaaaaay too many.

I’ve noticed that recently I’ve been focusing too much attention on what my body needs or what my mind wants. It’s too much “me.” I’ve been asking to be unlocked a lot more often this month than I have ever before; and, although ML loves to hear me beg, I’m not so much begging but asking as if I expect a yes. Espcecially after pleasing ML in one way or another, I’m getting those “Okay, what about me?” feelings very frequently. This can’t go on.

I’ve been pleasing ML very well lately, but I’ve been doing it because I want to do it. I need to get back to pleasing her because she wants it. I need to get back to doing what she wants, not asking if I can do what I want. I need to get back to licking her pussy because it feels good for her, not because I think her pussy is delicious. And I need to get back to making her cum if and only if she demands it, not because I love to do it. I need to push my sexual needs and desires so far behind My Lady’s so that there is absolutely no question which is most important.

ML already has plans to get me moving in the right direction. After mentioning that I was off for the next two nights, she responded with this text:

Good. I’m in the mood for some ass worship. It’s been awhile since I just laid on my tummy and had you make love to my ass with your tongue.

She always knows just what I need. 🙂

Conversations in Chastity: Strength Comes From Within

cagedmonkey: So…….. can I cum yet? 🙂

Lady: Uhhh, no love, it’s just not time for that. Especially when you’re at work.

cm: Of course. Why do I even ask? lol

Lady: Hoping one time I’ll actually say yes? 😉

cm: I guess so, although I have a hard time believing you will say yes. There have been times recently where you were so horny I thought you might cave in, but you didn’t. If you didn’t give in during those times, I doubt you’ll ever give in to me early.

Lady You’re right, I’ve become much stronger than in the beginning. At first I was still in the “need to please him” phase even if I didn’t think I was. Deep down I didn’t want to frustrate you, upset you, etc. It just caused me to be weak to your pleas.

cm: Now it seems like it’s the exact opposite – the more I beg and plead, the more you enjoy it and the harder you push me!

Lady It must be bittersweet that I’ve become so strong, huh?

cm: Honestly, I couldn’t be happier. I know that I can be honest with you about how I feel (sooooo frustrated!!!) and what I want (to cum sooooo bad!!!!), and not worry about influencing you or topping from the bottom. You truly are in full control, and I’m very lucky to serve a dominant with such a strong sense of what she wants.

Lady You are a lucky boy! Hehe 🙂 It wasn’t hard after awhile to embrace the frustration and let it entertain me. Once I was able to almost laugh at your situation, I began to really get enjoyment out of your frustration. I started enjoying the control of making you so incredibly horny for me. I just love getting you to that point where you HAVE to touch me just to feel my skin… because you’re THAT horny.

cm: And I definitely am that horny! Speaking of which…… can I cum now?

Lady No :)~

cm: Damn…..

Riding the Rode-Oh (or, How My Lady’s Pussy Got a Good Hard Fucking Without Using My Cock)

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 My Lady has been in need of a good hard fucking for a little while now. Now, I’m all abou pleasing my KH, but this has been something of a problem for me since we started practicing male chastity. I find myself to be extremely sensitive when having sex with ML, to the point where I can only manage a good 3 or 4 hard thrusts until I’m dangerously close to cumming. We’ve experimented with toys, but we haven’t found the right toy that fills ML’s need for a good hard pounding and yet doesn’t feel like a mannequin is fucking her.

So, as ML described earlier, she had me wear the Rode-Oh strap on underwear along with Blue and wait until she wanted to come up and give them a ride. I slept for a little bit… which was a little awkward, what with a rubber penis flopping around the bed and all. Then ML came walking into the bedroom with that “I’m about to take what I want from you and you can’t do anything to stop me” look in her eyes.

Her pussy was already soaking wet when she climbed on top of me; she needed no lube whatsoever. She pushed the head of Blue just past her pussy lips and then slowly slid down until she had taken it’s entire length. Her weight pushed down on my quickly hardening cock and I could feel her warm pussy through the undies.

ML started her ride slow, but that didn’t last long. She was soon thrusting her hips powerfully down onto mine, fucking herself with Blue in the way she had been craving so badly. Every time she pushed downward, I could feel her pussy pressing hard against my stiff cock. It felt almost as though she were riding my cock, except for the fact that I couldn’t feel her tight pusy lips gripping my shaft. Thankfully, My Lady decided not to cuff my hands as she had planned, so I was free to grab her hips and move her up and down on the dildo. It felt great to be with her like this and watch her as she got more and more excited. I looked into her eyes as her body shuddered and she came all over the fake cock.

My Lady stood up and turned around to face my feet. Now, before I continue I must mention that My Lady has the most OMG FANTASTIC FUCKING ASS in the world. So there I was, treated to the amazing view of ML’s perfect ass along with being able to watch Blue slide into her sopping wet pussy from behind. Holy shit, was it great. I could watch that all fucking day, I swear. She began to ride Blue again, hard and fast, . Soon my hands were on her hips again, guiding her ass up and down, squeezing her cheeks together so she could feel Blue filling her up even more. Then ML reached for the wand and turned it on.

She first began to rub her clit with the wand, during which I felt a little bit of vibration due to being so close to her pussy. After a few seconds of this, she moved the wand down farther and began to vibrate her pussy and my balls through the underwear. It felt sooooo good; there were a few moments where I was afraid I might cum just from that stimulation, but I was able to hold off. Thankfully I did, because it wasn’t long before ML was tensing up and pushing herself through a VERY STRONG orgasm.

That wand certainly is magic! I could tell she was trying to continue riding Blue hard, but her cum was so intense she just couldn’t manage it. She was fighting hard to keep the sound of her orgasm down as best she could, only letting out a few stifled moans and whimpers here and there. After a good thirty seconds, she switched the wand off and collapsed down onto my legs.

She was spent and a half.

I was overjoyed!

See, I’ve really been hoping to find a solution to the problem that My Lady craves penetrative sex. Yeah, I know, big problem, right? Well, it is when you’re practicing male chastity. ML and I can push it for a few weeks, but eventually she just needs to be fucked. So I’ve been hoping to find a toy that she enjoys enough to satisfy this need. The problem is that ML doesn’t particularly like dildos or vibrators. She prefers the real thing.

Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t want her to never want my cock inside her again… God NO! But the key distinction here is “want” vs. “need.” I don’t want ML to need to have my cock inside her, because that takes away a level of control she has over me. I do want ML to want my cock inside her. I want her to have it on her own terms, denying or allowing me penetration when and how she decides. So you can see why this is so important to me. And you can also see why I was so happy that she was able to cum so hard with Blue, and I was even happier when she told me afterwards, “We are going to have to do this lots more!”

Yes ma’am!

My Lady and I decided to bring the Rode-Oh and Blue on a road trip we will be taking next week. I also purchased her a cyberskin strap-on attachment that I hope works out even better than Blue. Fingers crossed on that one.  😉

Setting the Table (or “The Night When My Lady Tied Me Down, Pegged Me, and Sent Me Off To Work)

The bondage rope is quickly becoming one of My Lady’s favorite toys. Last night before I left for work, she chose to give me something to remember her all night long with. And it was VERY effective!

ML started off by using the rope to tie me down to the coffee table in our living room; she cuffed my wrists together, and then used the rope to attach the cuffs to my thighs, running the rope around my cock cage for good measure. Now, if I tried to move my hands upwards the rope would tug on my cage and pull on my balls. ML let out a tiny giggle as I tested her ropework for her; she was obviously enjoying herself already, and we were only at the beginning.

Once I was secured to the table, My Lady grabbed her prized butterfly paddle and began to spank my ass. As she whacked my ass harder and harder with each swat, I began to whimper after each hit. My reactions began to fuel her desire, and she spanked me harder and faster until it seriously started to sting. She sat across my back to hold me down and paddled me more. I could feel my ass starting to turn red as each blow stung my ass cheeks. I could tell by ML’s breathing that she was getting very turned on, and when she gets very turned on she starts to lose herself in the moment. When this happens, there’s no telling what’s in store for me next!

What was in store for me, apparently, was a very rough pegging!

My Lady first started working Pearl into my ass. Pearl is a small-to-average size dildo, so it wasn’t too terrible. ML began fucking my ass with it fast and forcefully; I could feel it rapidly filling me up and exiting me, only to fill me up once again. I began to moan uncontrollably; ML’s response to this was to simply fuck my ass even harder. After a few minutes of this, she removed Pearl from my ass and reached for something much, much bigger.

The dildo she chose next was the large bronze one she has used on me before. This thing just looks painful – it’s longer than I am, and the head is extremely thick at the base. The shaft thins out to give a little bit of relief, however it is ribbed which rubs against my asshole over and over as it thrusts into me. She pressed the head of the dildo against my asshole. I wasn’t sure if it was going to go in at first! I felt my asshole trying to stretch around the bulbous head, and it didn’t seem to quite be getting there. No need to worry, though… ML shoved it in hard, forcing my ass to open up and accept the intruder. I grunted loudly as she shoved it in farther. God, it hurt SO FUCKING BAD. It felt like the dildo was pulling apart my insides.

My Lady began to fuck my ass with the huge dildo, roughly and without mercy. It didn’t take long for me to start sobbing and whimpering. I couldn’t take it anymore; I begged her to stop. I pleaded. And how did My Lady respond to my pleas? She leaned over and cupped her hand over my mouth and told me to be quite while she fucked my ass like a good little slut so I didn’t wake the kids (omgggggggg).

It was at that moment I started to break down. I didn’t just want her to stop. I needed her to stop. My Lady had never done anything this intense with me while the kids were in the house. I couldn’t stay quiet. I physically could not. Yet My Lady was forcing me to. I needed to scream. I needed to cry out in tortured agony. But I couldn’t I wasn’t allowed. So instead, I simply broke down and began to cry into her hand.

My Lady did it. She broke me. But did she stop? Oh no. She wasn’t finished with me yet.

ML pushed the dildo further into my ass; instead of screaming in pain I simply flopped down on the table like a rag doll. She pushed in as far as she could, thrusting deeper into me as I let out what would be best described as a long deep groan. I’ve never made that sound before. Then again, I’d never had a huge dildo pushing so far into my asshole I could feel it all the way up to my hips inside. My Lady held in in place deep inside me. My whole body shuddered as I struggled to keep my screams in my chest. I felt precum pouring out of my cock as I was harshly milked, I honestly didn’t care. All I cared about was surviving being impaled by the bronze monster My Lady was assaulting me with.

Just as I was contemplating whether I should safeword or not, My Lady pulled the dildo out of my ass. She untied me from the table, but I couldn’t get up. I laid on the table, as limp as a ragdoll. When I was able to lift my head, I saw ML motioning me to lay on the floor, face up. I slowly moved over to where she wanted me. She stood over me and removed her soaked-through panties. Facing my feet, she squatted over my face and shoved her dripping wet pussy into my face. For the next ten minutes, My Lady alternated between rubbing her pussy all over my face and pushing her asshole down onto my tongue. I fucked her ass with my tongue as a good sub should, and I sucked on her clit when she moved it within my reach. After she rode my face to two orgasms, she laid back on the couch and waved me over again. “You have a mess to clean up,” My Lady said. I crawled over and licked her pussy to a massive orgasm that seemed to last about 5 minutes. Even after all of the pain I was put through, I smiled proudly at my ability to make My Lady cum so hard with my mouth.

After we took time for our aftercare (always important after a scene like this!!!), My Lady sent me off to work with a sore throbbing asshole. And the weird thing is that I was horny all fucking night long. I still am, about 12 hours after everything happened. I think this the worst horny I’ve ever felt!

Dark Desires

As far as fetishes and kinks go, male chastity can be very diverse. Many things can be added to or augmented to chastity; no two experiences will be exactly the same. What I’ve found is that chastity has opened up many different areas of kink to My Lady and me. There are things we thought we’d never try that we found were a huge turn on for both of us.

Last night at work, ML and I were having one of our “remember when” discussions about  the time she fulfilled my rape fantasy. I was amazed at how incredible the experience was, and how much I enjoyed it… after the fact, of course! As we were talking, we began to brainstorm about how to take it to the next step. As we were considering a lengthier scene, ML writes me the following text:

“Not too tough with enough time to spread it out. Like being kidnapped, kept, and repeatedly raped, hehe.”

My jaw literally dropped.

And my cage immediately got tighter.

What a GREAT IDEA!!!!!

We spent the next two hours, tossing around ideas for how to draw it out, including but not limited to: sending the kids to a multi-day camp, so she could abuse me over the course of days; cuffing me in various positions in various places around the house; blindfolding me, and using a variety of toys on me without warning; fucking my ass with the strap on, or toys of her choosing as I lick her pussy; leaving me restrained while she goes to rest, returning later to continue her assault; riding my cock while shoving a dildo up my ass; keeping the tease up while the kids are home, sneaking into the kitchen when I’m alone and roughly fingering my ass, giving me no place to hide; and so on.

Needless to say, my cock was trying its best to get hard. In vain, of course, pushing against the walls of the Revenge. But DAMN, was it hot. It was turning us both on! I have a feeling this will happen sometime in the future. 

It really is amazing that My Lady and I can discuss these dark desires with each other, without worrying about how the other will react. We made a promise to each other when we started this to be honest and open about any fantasies we have, no matter how out there they may seem. How else would we know if we liked something or not without trying it first?

I know all you guys out there always say that I’m the luckiest guy in the world, and I really am…. but not for the reasons you think. It’s not because My Lady locks up my cock for weeks on end, denying me orgasm until I’m insane with need, teasing me mad until I’m about to explode. It’s because I have a partner who loves me, respects me, and cares for me enough to allow me to trust her with anything and everything that is inside me without fear. And she has the same thing in me. THAT is why I’m so lucky.

Ok, I won’t deny it… I’m pretty lucky for those other reasons, too. 🙂