He Said, She Said/Mail Chastity: Hurts So Good?

We recently received the following comment on one of ML’s posts, specifically her post on breath control. Here is the comment from Dedicatedtoher:

Please explain to me how you can get sexual pleasure from hurting someone you love/ Where is the pleasure , the joy in hurting him? Even if he is a masochist, you have the ability to step back and say: “This I cannot do. I get no pleasure from hurting you” Your sexual thrill from inflicting pain on your husband is something I find difficult to understand. I am happy sadism does not work for my wife and I

Both of us have things we would like to say in response to this. So here is your “He Said, She Said” installment of “Mail Chastity” (or vice versa, whichever tickles your fancy).

Lady M: Thank you so much for your comment and question.  I would like to first point out that I do NOT like to hurt my husband nor do I get pleasure from it. I do love his reaction to some slight pain like pinching nipples, nails on his back or balls or even a spanking. I do believe those are all pretty common ways people create a pain sensation to get a reaction from their partner. As I said, I do not enjoy actually hurting him whatsoever. Since it is the Breath Play post in particular that you are referring to, I want to say that at no time during our play like this do I hurt or intentionally cause him pain. If that were to happen, with a misplaced thumb or something, I stop immediately and adjust. I’m actually terrified of accidentally hurting him and often cut play short sometimes. Breath play is not about pain and has everything to do with the control of his consciousness. That I do love, I love the control I have over him. I love seeing his glossed over eyes as he is slipping off into his dreamy state. That does give me a sexual charge and my crotch is instantly sopping wet and drippy. It really is not painful to experience this but rather relaxing and calm I would imagine.

I hope this helps explain it a bit and as I always say, not everyone will ever enjoy the same things when it comes to most things in life. Although… maybe bacon… everyone, except Cagemonkey, likes bacon! 🙂

Cagedmonkey: First, let me say thank you for the comment. It’s a great question, but I’d like to thank you for being so respectful. Although you may not understand or agree with the things we do, I appreciate your mature attitude towards addressing it. 🙂

I’ll start by saying that there is a big difference between “pain” and “hurt.” When ML pinches my nipples just a teeny bit too hard, that’s pain. When she leans the wrong way and kneels on my ankle or whatever, that hurts. I don’t get any sexual thrill from being hurt. Pain, yes, I find exciting. But there have been instances in the past where ML has accidentally hurt me, and we’ve stopped immediately and addressed the situation (and most likely laughed it off afterwards).

The pain itself isn’t a turn on. What turns me on is the control that is involved. ML can make me feel whatever she wants me to feel; whether that be pleasure, pain, or anywhere in the middle. I love that she can cause these sensations, and I love that I cannot fight them.

With all of that said, the asphyxiation/choking/breath play isn’t as painful as you may think it is. Again, it’s about control: My Lady controls my air supply, and along with that my ability to stay conscious. It’s actually somewhat peaceful, slipping away slowly like that. The worst thing I’d say I experience is fear as I get closer to blacking out, but I trust ML absolutely and completely.

I hope this helps shed some light on why we find this type of play erotic and exciting. It’s definitely not for everyone, but no kink really is. What works for us may not work for you. But what’s important is that it works for us. 🙂

This Lady has a Sadistic Side – Erotic Asphyxiation and Breath Control

Let me start this post with a Disclaimer of sorts – We are not a professionals, everything we do I research well and use trial and error and explore carefully. Lady & her lovely CagedMonkey take no responsibility for people being stupid and trying something without learning the dangers. FYI: Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath control can be dangerous. Other than that, enjoy! 🙂

I was talking to a guy the other day who is interested in trying out Breath play – aka Erotic Asphyxiation. So we’re just talking about choking someone, right? No, not really, it’s actually a bit more than that. Just incase there are some kinky folks reading this that are not quite sure what this is all about, let me first, explain what it is.

Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath Control is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. It is said that, the carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten sexual sensations. It’s also stated that, when the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state. Combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.

Sounds intense, right? It really is… the part this doesnt describe is how it feels for the person actually causing the restriction of oxygen. In my relationship, I’m the dominant one and I’m the one who likes this and wants to do this. I introduced it to hubby. I restrict oxygen to his brain in a few different ways. I use my big breasts or my stomach to smother him and block his nose and mouth from inhaling. I use my pussy or my ass as well, during facesitting to cut off and control his breathing. Lastly, I choke him or more simply put use both hands at the sides of his neck to push in at his coratids to restrict the blood flow. I do it this way so I do not crush his windpipe.

So in my conversation with this Dom gentleman we got to talking about what he finds hot!
He said, “I’m interested in the choking part. Looking at her face with my hands around her neck and my cock pounding her pussy. To me that very exciting.”

God that sounds hot, I’ve choked hubby and that is so sexy… seeing that fear in his eyes while my hands clenched his throat. When I can see his face it’s awesome, the fear, the glistening of his eyes, the helplessness. I’ve done this once while pegging my hubby “missionary” too, it is such a huge rush and incredibly hot.

With choking… I stay away from the windpipe altogether, instead I push on his coratid arteries on the side of his neck with the side of my hands. It’s so hard to explain, but I wrap my fingers around the side and my thumbs are across his trachea. I push my fingers toward each other, into his neck to push on the arteries and block the flow of blood. I do not push in with my thumbs because that is painful and potentially deadly… you want to cut oxygen not cause actual pain or injury.

When we started this type of play it was trial and error. Once I realized what it did to me, which I’ll explain in a minute, I started researching. Of course, you know this Lady, always researching everything lol. At first I wasnt sure what would cause the wrong kind of pain, where to push etc and cagedmonkey and I set up a little signal depending on what I was doing. He would signal by tapping my butt with a certain rhythm if I was facesitting, a thumbs up giving me the ok to go further or thumbs down to stop if I was choking him.

The first time it happened it didn’t last long, the feelings scared the shit out of me and even caused a huge Domme Drop episode. We talked a lot and I did my research after that we slowly played and built up the length of time I would restrict him. Each time we played I got this huge rush and an extremely drippy wet pussy. The feelings of power are almost overwhelming and I had to take it slow. You can actually SEE the eyes lose focus and glisten when they get right on the edge of consciousness. I can feel a power come over me like a wave. I practically start to chuckle and lose my breath. I get caught up in my own feelings that sometimes I cant let go and instincely squeeze harder. I do try to catch myself before that happens. Cagedmonkey has described it to me as him seeing me kinda getting foggy to him. I can see it happen in his eyes and the thrill is so amazing! I have to be careful because I’m sure bad things could happen if I was to get too lost and forget his life is in my hands. 🙂

This Dom gentleman also asked, “Would fucking her while I sat in a chair and her straddling me with my hand over her mouth and pinching her nose work??”

I think this is something you could manage, but it be better if her back were against something, unless you are wanting her to pull away. When I play with hubby where I am restricting his actual air flow he will start to jerk and instinctively pull away and try gasping. Sometimes he will begin to thrash around and I have to hold my hubby down. So, in my opinion, to really have a good go at this you would want the receiver under you or pinned against something like the back of the couch. Plus, I mean look at the dynamic, how powerful it is to be on top of someone, holding them down, controlling their consciousness.

Again, I want to warn that this is a very delicate thing and you should use extreme caution. Please do not try these things unless you have done some research. Be safe and Enjoy! 🙂

 

Getting My Revenge

At the beginning of this year we had ordered a Revenge from Steelworxx in Germany. We got it back in March and tried it out for awhile. We realized after using it a few times that there were some things we wanted to add/change. We made sure we measured over and over and thought long and hard about what we wanted since, to make changes, we would have to send the device back to Germany. In August, we did just that. Btw, sending the device we spent a ton on to begin with, half way around the world was nerve racking! When a month went by without him getting it, I was nervous. Then when 6 weeks came along and he still hadn’t gotten it I was getting a bit freaked out and thought we lost our money and the device was just gone… but just over 7 weeks later Steelworxx emailed to say they have finally received the device and could start making the adjustments.

As you can see in the previous post (linked above) we had ordered the regular pad lock post and a 50mm ring and did the device kinda as is. You can see below how we added the steel ring around the start of the tube and we also got the anatomic ring which curves a bit back at the bottom.
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We also added the integrated lock and the base ring size is smaller as well. It is now about 47mm I believe.
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I do think we nailed the sizing and stuff on this one. After the past couple days, while hubby was off work, I made him get dressed in the Revenge. Especially when I woke up yesterday sore as hell because I made him fuck every hole I have nice and hard and deep. He fucked me over and over, as I requested, while he himself was denied any sort of pleasure or orgasm. I’ve been so horny and hard to satisfy sexually recently and I made sure I was fucked SO good that I was walking funny the next morning. God it felt good and I was wet and horny all day because I couldn’t stop thinking about all the constant fucking. 🙂

I had cagedmonkey get dressed in the Revenge last night and so far he says he’s had no issues and is comfortable. That’s good because I have no plans of removing his device for a bit. I just love that he can’t touch or see his own cock and when he does attempt an erection he’s gets an all over squeeze around his cock.
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It’s so shiny and sexy, don’t you think? I do have to comment on how much I love the integrated lock! It’s very easy to lock and unlock and, oh man, is it ever perfect for rubbing my pussy on hubby cage without hurting my lady parts! Even with the security screw on other devices the post still sticks out a bit and can hurt a little if in not careful. This lock is rounded and I couldn’t feel it at all when I was teasing hubby this morning.

I’m already enjoying cagedmonkey being locked in the Revenge again. Today I’ve been teasing him quite intensely, I’ve done my morning facesitting and also covered his chest with my pussy juices. I did a little breath play with him this morning and it got me turned right the hell on so I ended up cumming right there on his chest while smothering him with my big titties. I left his face and chest covered in my juices and went out to do errands.

When I got back from running around I went in for a little visit. While he was sleeping I lubed up my fingers and woke his ass up… quite literally. 🙂 I gave him a good ass fingering with a couple of my fingers and, damn, did I love hearing his moaning and whimpering from being violated and used for my pleasure. I’m really going to enjoy using and abusing him and giving him a taste of what it is to have sore holes from being overused. In sure the rest of the week is going to be just lovely and frustrating for him. I can’t wait!

Am I a Sadist?

Sadist (sey-dist):
noun

1. a person who… receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.

2. a person who enjoys being cruel.

So under the actual definition of a sadist, I am far from one. I do not enjoy causing pain or being cruel nor do I get anything remotely close to sexual gratification from it. Quite the opposite actually.

I’ve noticed that one thing Male Chastity has done for us is to open up communication and sexual exploration. We have experimented with the idea of things – usually through a good ear whispering mindfuck and found “Wow, that really turned me on!” That then kicks in my desire to research and explore that thing.

What I’ve found out recently is that I really (really, really, really!) love control. I’m not talking about controlling orgasms, I’m talking about controlling something at a much deeper level. I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable. Well that’s easy, right? Just bind someone up, handcuffs or rope work great. Yeah, you’re right, that’s pretty fantastic. I’m finding that I do really like rope and bondage but I’m talking even deeper than that! I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable at my own hands.

Let me try to explain it this way. I, kind of on accident, slid my hand up and around cagedmonkey’s throat. He got this incredible look of fear in his eyes, he gasped and a slight moan escaped his lips. That reaction caused me to squeeze just a little tighter and push up further under his chin. I leaned in and kissed him so deep and he let out a whimpering moan. I had him in my hands, at my will, he could barely kiss me back because I had such a strong dominant hold on his neck and jaw. I wasn’t choking him, he could breathe but I was close enough that the fear was there. The fear that I could easily lean into my grip and crush his trachea.

You may be wondering how I found out that I like this. That’s simple, just as I leaned in to give him that kiss I got such an intense jolt shoot through the middle of my body. It literally was a jolt of pleasure that shot up the center of me from my crotch up into my chest. It was so strong that it caused me to buck my hips, arch my back and let out a very throaty moan. Over the next minute or so I felt my body twitching and lurching, muscles tightening… wait a minute, I’m sure you know that feeling. To put it simply, having my husband in that vulnerable position and him reacting that way caused me to spontaneously orgasm. I was not being touched in a sexual way. I was merely straddling him like I always do.

Through our play we’ve already discovered I enjoy breath play and I knew I kinda liked it when I would hold cagedmonkey down. Pinning him to the mattress with my hands or my knees and using my own body and weight to hold him down against his will. We haven’t exactly explored that deeply but after this recent discovery, I’m positive we will.

At first I was very surprised at myself and maybe even a little scared that I would like something like this. I don’t know why I would like it, how could I like it? It so not right, not something a normal person would enjoy. What is wrong with me? Well, one thing that communication with cagedmonkey has done is given me someone to talk to about those feelings. Someone to tell me it’s ok to enjoy something with another consenting adult. There doesn’t have to be an explanation or reason for liking it. We decided awhile back, in exploring these things, that we would stop asking or worrying about why. We would just go with what felt good… as long as we both felt good doing it.

I do believe a spontaneous orgasm would be the classic definition of “sexual gratification” from something. I’m content accepting the fact that I have this “fetish” but what exactly IS this fetish? I do not feel this fits what a sadist is but rather my fetish is about complete control over someone, down to the most basic of needs… like breathing.

Is there a name that describes this intense sexual gratification from control?