He Said, She Said/Mail Chastity: Hurts So Good?

We recently received the following comment on one of ML’s posts, specifically her post on breath control. Here is the comment from Dedicatedtoher:

Please explain to me how you can get sexual pleasure from hurting someone you love/ Where is the pleasure , the joy in hurting him? Even if he is a masochist, you have the ability to step back and say: “This I cannot do. I get no pleasure from hurting you” Your sexual thrill from inflicting pain on your husband is something I find difficult to understand. I am happy sadism does not work for my wife and I

Both of us have things we would like to say in response to this. So here is your “He Said, She Said” installment of “Mail Chastity” (or vice versa, whichever tickles your fancy).

Lady M: Thank you so much for your comment and question.  I would like to first point out that I do NOT like to hurt my husband nor do I get pleasure from it. I do love his reaction to some slight pain like pinching nipples, nails on his back or balls or even a spanking. I do believe those are all pretty common ways people create a pain sensation to get a reaction from their partner. As I said, I do not enjoy actually hurting him whatsoever. Since it is the Breath Play post in particular that you are referring to, I want to say that at no time during our play like this do I hurt or intentionally cause him pain. If that were to happen, with a misplaced thumb or something, I stop immediately and adjust. I’m actually terrified of accidentally hurting him and often cut play short sometimes. Breath play is not about pain and has everything to do with the control of his consciousness. That I do love, I love the control I have over him. I love seeing his glossed over eyes as he is slipping off into his dreamy state. That does give me a sexual charge and my crotch is instantly sopping wet and drippy. It really is not painful to experience this but rather relaxing and calm I would imagine.

I hope this helps explain it a bit and as I always say, not everyone will ever enjoy the same things when it comes to most things in life. Although… maybe bacon… everyone, except Cagemonkey, likes bacon! 🙂

Cagedmonkey: First, let me say thank you for the comment. It’s a great question, but I’d like to thank you for being so respectful. Although you may not understand or agree with the things we do, I appreciate your mature attitude towards addressing it. 🙂

I’ll start by saying that there is a big difference between “pain” and “hurt.” When ML pinches my nipples just a teeny bit too hard, that’s pain. When she leans the wrong way and kneels on my ankle or whatever, that hurts. I don’t get any sexual thrill from being hurt. Pain, yes, I find exciting. But there have been instances in the past where ML has accidentally hurt me, and we’ve stopped immediately and addressed the situation (and most likely laughed it off afterwards).

The pain itself isn’t a turn on. What turns me on is the control that is involved. ML can make me feel whatever she wants me to feel; whether that be pleasure, pain, or anywhere in the middle. I love that she can cause these sensations, and I love that I cannot fight them.

With all of that said, the asphyxiation/choking/breath play isn’t as painful as you may think it is. Again, it’s about control: My Lady controls my air supply, and along with that my ability to stay conscious. It’s actually somewhat peaceful, slipping away slowly like that. The worst thing I’d say I experience is fear as I get closer to blacking out, but I trust ML absolutely and completely.

I hope this helps shed some light on why we find this type of play erotic and exciting. It’s definitely not for everyone, but no kink really is. What works for us may not work for you. But what’s important is that it works for us. 🙂

This Lady has a Sadistic Side – Erotic Asphyxiation and Breath Control

Let me start this post with a Disclaimer of sorts – We are not a professionals, everything we do I research well and use trial and error and explore carefully. Lady & her lovely CagedMonkey take no responsibility for people being stupid and trying something without learning the dangers. FYI: Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath control can be dangerous. Other than that, enjoy! 🙂

I was talking to a guy the other day who is interested in trying out Breath play – aka Erotic Asphyxiation. So we’re just talking about choking someone, right? No, not really, it’s actually a bit more than that. Just incase there are some kinky folks reading this that are not quite sure what this is all about, let me first, explain what it is.

Erotic Asphyxiation/Breath Control is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. It is said that, the carotid arteries (on either side of the neck) carry oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the brain. When these are compressed, as in strangulation, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain can increase feelings of giddiness, lightheadness, and pleasure, all of which will heighten sexual sensations. It’s also stated that, when the brain is deprived of oxygen, it induces a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state. Combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.

Sounds intense, right? It really is… the part this doesnt describe is how it feels for the person actually causing the restriction of oxygen. In my relationship, I’m the dominant one and I’m the one who likes this and wants to do this. I introduced it to hubby. I restrict oxygen to his brain in a few different ways. I use my big breasts or my stomach to smother him and block his nose and mouth from inhaling. I use my pussy or my ass as well, during facesitting to cut off and control his breathing. Lastly, I choke him or more simply put use both hands at the sides of his neck to push in at his coratids to restrict the blood flow. I do it this way so I do not crush his windpipe.

So in my conversation with this Dom gentleman we got to talking about what he finds hot!
He said, “I’m interested in the choking part. Looking at her face with my hands around her neck and my cock pounding her pussy. To me that very exciting.”

God that sounds hot, I’ve choked hubby and that is so sexy… seeing that fear in his eyes while my hands clenched his throat. When I can see his face it’s awesome, the fear, the glistening of his eyes, the helplessness. I’ve done this once while pegging my hubby “missionary” too, it is such a huge rush and incredibly hot.

With choking… I stay away from the windpipe altogether, instead I push on his coratid arteries on the side of his neck with the side of my hands. It’s so hard to explain, but I wrap my fingers around the side and my thumbs are across his trachea. I push my fingers toward each other, into his neck to push on the arteries and block the flow of blood. I do not push in with my thumbs because that is painful and potentially deadly… you want to cut oxygen not cause actual pain or injury.

When we started this type of play it was trial and error. Once I realized what it did to me, which I’ll explain in a minute, I started researching. Of course, you know this Lady, always researching everything lol. At first I wasnt sure what would cause the wrong kind of pain, where to push etc and cagedmonkey and I set up a little signal depending on what I was doing. He would signal by tapping my butt with a certain rhythm if I was facesitting, a thumbs up giving me the ok to go further or thumbs down to stop if I was choking him.

The first time it happened it didn’t last long, the feelings scared the shit out of me and even caused a huge Domme Drop episode. We talked a lot and I did my research after that we slowly played and built up the length of time I would restrict him. Each time we played I got this huge rush and an extremely drippy wet pussy. The feelings of power are almost overwhelming and I had to take it slow. You can actually SEE the eyes lose focus and glisten when they get right on the edge of consciousness. I can feel a power come over me like a wave. I practically start to chuckle and lose my breath. I get caught up in my own feelings that sometimes I cant let go and instincely squeeze harder. I do try to catch myself before that happens. Cagedmonkey has described it to me as him seeing me kinda getting foggy to him. I can see it happen in his eyes and the thrill is so amazing! I have to be careful because I’m sure bad things could happen if I was to get too lost and forget his life is in my hands. 🙂

This Dom gentleman also asked, “Would fucking her while I sat in a chair and her straddling me with my hand over her mouth and pinching her nose work??”

I think this is something you could manage, but it be better if her back were against something, unless you are wanting her to pull away. When I play with hubby where I am restricting his actual air flow he will start to jerk and instinctively pull away and try gasping. Sometimes he will begin to thrash around and I have to hold my hubby down. So, in my opinion, to really have a good go at this you would want the receiver under you or pinned against something like the back of the couch. Plus, I mean look at the dynamic, how powerful it is to be on top of someone, holding them down, controlling their consciousness.

Again, I want to warn that this is a very delicate thing and you should use extreme caution. Please do not try these things unless you have done some research. Be safe and Enjoy! 🙂

 

How’s The Air In There? – Breath Control

My pussy needs a break and so do my stomach muscles! The past few days I’ve been giving cagedmonkey a pretty good go. Not only did he use the new sleeve I bought to fuck my horny pussy the other night but he’s also been servicing me by mouth quite a bit too. He’s sure does a fantastic job at making me cum over and over. So good, I’ve been pretty much doing crunches every time I have an orgasm. They are so strong and my whole body is involved.

The past couple of days I’ve been queening cagedmonkey quite a bit. I woke him up that way the other day. He was sleeping after work and I climbed up on him and sat right on his face. I pushed down so I buried his nose in my ass and completely covered his mouth with my dripping wet pussy. He woke up unable to breathe anything but the warm juices of my pussy. You really should have seen him wriggle!

I’ve started to play a bit with breath control with cagedmonkey recently. It’s an interesting kink and I really do get into it when I see him and his body react. Like last night I sat on his face a few times, each time a little longer. He really was begging and whimpering for me to stop but I kinda got into the power I had over him and didn’t want to. I continued to smother him over and over while rubbing my wet juices all over his face. That is about when he slipped off into subspace while I finished fucking his face and making him gasp for air. I’m starting to realize that I get extremely turned on by hearing cagedmonkey beg, whimper and grovel for me to stop whatever it is I’m doing.

He’s so obsessed with my large breasts, how could he not crave to be smothered by them? He really gets off on the fact that I can control whether he breathes or not by shoving my big tittie in his mouth and pulling his face into it to cover his entire face so he can take a breath only when I want him to. 🙂 Oh if only there was a way to share how sexy he looks when he gasps the air I let him have while he looks up at me with those shocked, big, beautiful, blue eyes.

This is obviously something to be very careful with. Blocking someone’s airway is never something to take lightly. It is not something I sprung on him, we’ve talked about it at length. I’ve tried a few things and I am well aware of how long he can hold his breath. Obviously holding your own breath is way different than when someone else is in control and the panic sets in. Though, that’s part of the thrill! I am hyperaware of his body’s reactions and although, I love when he starts to flail a bit, that is about the time I start thinking about giving him some oxygen. It’s constantly a work in progress and I’m sure I’ll push him further and further as we go along.

All I can repeatedly say is that I absolutely love exploring these wonderful things with the man I love completely and who I trust so deeply. I could never imagine exploring these things with anyone else but my cagedmonkey.