Praise and Reassurance

So I just want to write that just as important as it is for us as women to get feedback that the boys like what we are doing, they need that same feedback from us. They need to know we are proud of them for being locked for us, for enduring our teasing etc. They also need to know if they are pleasing us with their behavior or sexual acts. How will they know to continue something I’d they don’t know ere loving it?

I find that having a submissive husband or even being dominant to a submissive man is just like parenting. I’m not saying our men are childish (though some sure can be at times) I just mean they respond well to techniques parents use with children. It’s just like you would treat a kid when you “catch them doing something good” to reinforce the behavior. So it’s important to say things like “it really pleases me when…” or “you’re doing such a good job with…” or “I really love how you are handling…” and even “Wow! What a great job doing…..” adding to any of those some hint at a reward is huge too. Saying something like “it really pleases me when you take out the garbage without asking… I might have to unlock you and tease you later!” No, you didn’t just lock yourself in and you don’t have to let him out but the thought that you might is motivation. It’s interesting how it works.

Praising and reassuring our submissives builds their confidence and keeps them pleasing us and striving for more of those compliments and possible rewards. It might be all about us Ladies (or dominants) sexually but it is about both of us emotionally. This is why I say communication is so huge. The feedback, both ways, keeps the relationship going.

Have you praised your locked boy today?

Even a Domme Requires Aftercare

Last night cagedmonkey and I had a little alone, adult time together. I would get into describing it but I’ll leave that to him since it focuses on me dominating him for the most part. It’s probably better that you experience that part from the receiver.

As for me, while I enjoyed last night’s acute intensity very much, I’m experiencing what I would consider one of my most severe episodes of Domme Drop (regarding length). I’ve talked about this before in previous posts and even described it here. It really is no fun. I actually have been doing very well with things and haven’t had too many episodes of drop recently and when I anticipated one I would use my anxiety meds (as decided with the help of a doctor) to combat the effects just prior to them happening. Also, since you know me and I think communication is huge, hubby and I talk about it and he helps greatly during a drop.

I really had no thoughts, with the very short time that we got to spend together, that I would even have any drop. I found out very quickly after cagedmonkey went to work that the drop, no matter how much time is spent during an intense scene, can and will happen.

The part that makes a drop hard for me is the roller coaster feeling. I’ll be fine one minute and the next my eyes well up with tears or I’m feeling anxious. I realized a lot of the feelings last night were questions, worries if you will, about cagedmonkey’s experience. I think the time drop hits me the most is when we have an intense scene and right after that hubby has to go to work. Then he gets home at 7am and it’s breakfast time for the kids and he’s gotta get to bed. There is no time to talk about the events that took place, no time to hear that he liked or disliked something, no “thank you ma’am” for dominating me, for spanking my ass or any of that. We just don’t get that time together to give me the feedback I apparently desperately need.

That’s what it is, I realized, during the scene I’m not getting much feedback because he is enduring what I’m dishing out (spanking, assplay, teasing, breath play etc) and it’s what I need afterwards. I need to know how he feels about what happened. I need to know that it was ok, that he is ok and they I don’t need to feel guilty. When it’s a rush after to get him off to work and we don’t even discuss the scene – like it didn’t happen – I begin to worry. Did he like it? Did it feel good? Was it hot for him? Did he like feeling me take what I wanted from him? Did he like me using his body to do as I please? The questions race through my head causing the ripples of anxiety. The anxiety causes my emotional down. The feelings of sadness, worry and probably even some shame need to be squashed out by the communication and feedback after a scene. It’s like I have said before even a Domme can need “aftercare.”

I wonder, do other Dommes or Tops who experience drop feel that the feedback helps them?