I must admit, I haven’t been the best sub that I can be lately.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been disobedient or resistant. I haven’t been cranky or irritable. I haven’t whined or begged… too much (My Lady loves a little bit of desperation, after all!). I’ve been very giving with both my time and energy lately, doing whatever I can to please My Lady. The problem isn’t what I am doing or not doing. The problem is the reasons and motivations behind my actions.
My motivation for pleasing ML is pretty much expected at this point in my denial – I’m goddamn horny as fuck with a heaping side of blue balls. After a solid month of being teased nearly nonstop by the sexiest woman I’ve even known and not being allowed to cum, I guess I can’t be blamed much for that. But as much as ML loves the desperate state of aching horniness that I’m currently in, it sometimes works against my subby mindset. I’ll explain.
I’ve written before about how much I love to lick My Lady’s pussy. I love how she tastes, I love how her body reacts when I give her sweet kisses on her clit. I love it when she moans when I shove my tongue as far into her pussy as I possibly can. I love how her pussy walls squeeze my tongue when I wiggle it around inside her. I love how her body shudders when I swirl my tongue around her clit. And it feels great when I give her a nice, loud, intense orgasm with just my mouth.
And now here’s the problem: did you notice how many “I”s there are in that paragraph? The answer is: waaaaaaaaaaay too many.
I’ve noticed that recently I’ve been focusing too much attention on what my body needs or what my mind wants. It’s too much “me.” I’ve been asking to be unlocked a lot more often this month than I have ever before; and, although ML loves to hear me beg, I’m not so much begging but asking as if I expect a yes. Espcecially after pleasing ML in one way or another, I’m getting those “Okay, what about me?” feelings very frequently. This can’t go on.
I’ve been pleasing ML very well lately, but I’ve been doing it because I want to do it. I need to get back to pleasing her because she wants it. I need to get back to doing what she wants, not asking if I can do what I want. I need to get back to licking her pussy because it feels good for her, not because I think her pussy is delicious. And I need to get back to making her cum if and only if she demands it, not because I love to do it. I need to push my sexual needs and desires so far behind My Lady’s so that there is absolutely no question which is most important.
ML already has plans to get me moving in the right direction. After mentioning that I was off for the next two nights, she responded with this text:
Good. I’m in the mood for some ass worship. It’s been awhile since I just laid on my tummy and had you make love to my ass with your tongue.
She always knows just what I need. 🙂