A Slight Lull in Playtime

Wow, what a fucked up day and a half it’s been. In less than 24 hours I lost my brother. He was rushed to the ER yesterday morning around 6 or so AM after being found on the floor at his home unable to move or speak. He ended up in ICU on a ventilator, died and was revived twice and finally at about 1am this morning he passed away. He was a young guy (just turned 50 this year) and has left his wife and 2 young daughter’s.

I’m having a very tough time and I’m dealing with the “roller coaster” emotions thing. You know, where you are fine one minute and the next you’re crying. This is hitting me so very hard. It seems this year is a year of grieving for me. In the last 6 months I have suddenly &/or unexpectedly lost my Father, one of my favorite Aunts (dad’s sister) and now my Brother.

Cagedmonkey has been so supportive and holds me and hugs me when I need it. Comforts me and is just there for whatever I need him for. I could not ask for a better man or husband to be my partner. He has helped lift my spirit and ease my anger toward the world over this. I may be in charge in this relationship but I am very loved and well cared for.

I’m tired and need to find my motivation again to continue packing this house so we can move in a few weeks. We would also like to have a garage sale… I hope we’re able to pull this together.

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11 responses to “A Slight Lull in Playtime

  1. Sorry to hear about your loss. It is always difficult to lose a loved one. Its seems trite to write this but concentrate on celebrating your brother’s life, remembering the good times. Think how he would like you to react to his passing. It will take a long time to deal with it all as the feeling come and go and come again. It seems like you have a supportive and loving partner. Lean on him and don’t carry the sadness alone.

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    • I think this really must be the chaos before the calm… or so I’m hoping. Thank you for your thoughts, it really does mean a lot to me. Especially when I am unable to work out traveling to the Midwest to attend my brothers funeral services.

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    • Thank you, I appreciate that. I wrote here because I know you all will understand. I’m doing my best to continue to be open and talking. If I stop and hold things in, severe depression is going to build. I’m glad we have this place to be real in all that goes on in our lives.

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      • It is huge that you know and can address when and how the depression sets in. That has been a huge step forward in our relationship. I know it’s hard to talk but do it here. Do it verbally. Just do it. Es we are here to listen. Hug. Support.

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