Communication in Chastity (or any Relationship!)

Communication needs to be the heart of every relationship. No one can read anyone’s mind and it’s important to know and understand what your partner is thinking and feeling. The only way that will happen is to be an active, calm, open-minded listener. How we interact about issues such as time spent together or away from one another, commitment, money, health, our kids, family, friends, trust, and intimacy affects our ability to develop and maintain lasting marriages and relationships. 

We have found, since beginning this new journey, that communication is a huge part of an enforced chastity relationship. A lot of things could go wrong if you don’t take time to talk about each other’s expectations, goals and fears.

It’s usually hard to bring up intimate subjects with those you care about. There’s a lot of risk involved with these conversations. Just because the topic is intimate and the person is someone you love, don’t back down from bringing up the things that are important to you.

When it comes to talking with your spouse about sex, here’s a few things to keep in mind.

Timing is key. It’s not a good idea to bring up the subject of sex while having sex (this is different than talking about the current encounter and emotions involved which enhances the experience). If you want to discuss some unresolved aspect of your sexual relationship or a disappointment or frustration, during sex is not a good time for the discussion. Both of you will likely be less open and objective about the conversation. It’s also not a good idea to bring up touchy subjects at bedtime.

Another important thing is to be honest. If you are going to address this subject, be upfront and honest. This may seem like common sense but there are many people who resort to code words or only bring things up half-way. Even if it may not seem so, your partner will respect you more for it in the long run.

Avoid placing blame and attacking your partner, a nice calm conversation is what you’re looking for, not confrontation. It’s easy to address this kind of topic with statements like “Why do you always want to …” or “You always seem to initiate when I’m…” When a person feels attacked they’ll respond defensively, it’s part of a person’s survival nature. During these kinds of personal discussions, take care of yourself. Talk about you, your experience, what you’re thinking, and what you’re feeling. This may still impact your partner and might even hurt a bit, but it definitely increases the chances that you’ll be heard. Purposefully hear their side of things, be clear on their perspective. This is especially good if you have a partner who’s reluctant to have this conversation. Slowing down to really listen can help keep things calm, though not always less emotionally charged. But the less reactive you are, the more likely a good resolution will result.

Be sure to fill the conversation with respect. Avoid talking down to your partner and never assume they know what you’re thinking. Also avoid interrupting them while they’re speaking. No one wants to feel misunderstood, unappreciated, disregarded or disrespected.

You’d think it would be easier to bring up a subject like sex. Sex talk is all over in our culture. There are sex tips in magazines and on talk-shows. It’s pretty rare to actually see examples of real couples discussing sex. “Talking about sex as a personal, intimate experience with your partner is a totally different kind of talk,” says Barry McCarthy, a Washington, D.C., psychologist and sex therapist who has written books about nonsexual marriages and how to prevent them. “You have to be open to talking about what you value and your vulnerability,” he says. No one teaches us how to actually talk about such sensitive subjects. Not just sexual subjects but any emotionally charged topics.

Early on in a relationship we are “drunk in love” and talking about sex is fun and arousing. Everything is exciting and new but in a long-term committed relationship, talking about intimacy is more difficult. Sexual problems can crop up for any number of reasons. Anything from stress at work, child-rearing, lack of time, medical issues, past sexual trauma or aging can cause issues in our intimate relationships. Many couples get stuck in a rut where sex is all or nothing.

I think having trouble discussing problems in your sex life with your spouse is pretty common. Just try to remember that the discussion may take more than one conversation. You don’t have to figure it all out at once. It is very important to be gentle with your partner. A really great line to get your conversation started would go a little something like this… ‘I love you, and I’d like to feel more connected to you.’

Once we got through the initial conversation and got those communication floods gates opened things flowed much more easily. We continue to keep that communication very open and non-judgemental. One way we keep this level of communication going in our relationship is by using a notebook as a journal. It’s been a pretty fantastic way to bring up some of the more challenging subjects we may run into.
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Communication is something I try to encourage in any relationship. I can’t see a relationship surviving the long-term trials without strong communication.

Free Range Monkey

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Yes, that’s correct… I’ve been out of my cock cage for pretty much the whole day today! Going back to last night, actually, it’s just about 24 hours now. I had an appointment earlier today, and My Lady actually allowed me out of the house and not in her company without being locked up. I had to ask her if she was sure, I was surprised! Obviously I didn’t have permission to cum, but this was the most freedom I’ve had since ML and I started practicing male chastity.

And I’m not going to lie… it feels good.

Last night and early this morning in bed with ML, it felt really nice to just roll over and slide into her pussy on a whim. The spontaneity of ML grabbing me, squeezing me, stroking me through my clothing is so exciting. I really do like being unlocked!!

But, let’s not get carried away. This situation is just as frustrating as wearing the cage is. Those unexpected touches from ML are driving me mad, shooting my desire into the stratosphere and making me incredibly horny! All of the sex ML and I have been having since she unlocked me is great… but I need to cum. And each sexual encounter makes me need to cum even worse. Even walking around the house, I can feel my cock brushing against my clothing. I’m so sensitive after over a month of denial, it’s like I’m being constantly teased! Seems like the cock cage was doing me a favor. 🙂

And just because I say that I’m enjoying my (most likely temporary) freedom, that doesn’t mean I want to end our chastity play. Far from it! I do enjoy my freedom, but it is this freedom that makes being locked in chastity so intense and wonderful. And THAT is why ML and I do this – we have an intense sexual connection through denying me regular sexual outlets, allowing her to control all aspects of my pleasure, and having me serve and provide her with as much pleasure as she desires. A day or two of going “free range” is never going to change that.

 

Am I a Sadist?

Sadist (sey-dist):
noun

1. a person who… receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.

2. a person who enjoys being cruel.

So under the actual definition of a sadist, I am far from one. I do not enjoy causing pain or being cruel nor do I get anything remotely close to sexual gratification from it. Quite the opposite actually.

I’ve noticed that one thing Male Chastity has done for us is to open up communication and sexual exploration. We have experimented with the idea of things – usually through a good ear whispering mindfuck and found “Wow, that really turned me on!” That then kicks in my desire to research and explore that thing.

What I’ve found out recently is that I really (really, really, really!) love control. I’m not talking about controlling orgasms, I’m talking about controlling something at a much deeper level. I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable. Well that’s easy, right? Just bind someone up, handcuffs or rope work great. Yeah, you’re right, that’s pretty fantastic. I’m finding that I do really like rope and bondage but I’m talking even deeper than that! I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable at my own hands.

Let me try to explain it this way. I, kind of on accident, slid my hand up and around cagedmonkey’s throat. He got this incredible look of fear in his eyes, he gasped and a slight moan escaped his lips. That reaction caused me to squeeze just a little tighter and push up further under his chin. I leaned in and kissed him so deep and he let out a whimpering moan. I had him in my hands, at my will, he could barely kiss me back because I had such a strong dominant hold on his neck and jaw. I wasn’t choking him, he could breathe but I was close enough that the fear was there. The fear that I could easily lean into my grip and crush his trachea.

You may be wondering how I found out that I like this. That’s simple, just as I leaned in to give him that kiss I got such an intense jolt shoot through the middle of my body. It literally was a jolt of pleasure that shot up the center of me from my crotch up into my chest. It was so strong that it caused me to buck my hips, arch my back and let out a very throaty moan. Over the next minute or so I felt my body twitching and lurching, muscles tightening… wait a minute, I’m sure you know that feeling. To put it simply, having my husband in that vulnerable position and him reacting that way caused me to spontaneously orgasm. I was not being touched in a sexual way. I was merely straddling him like I always do.

Through our play we’ve already discovered I enjoy breath play and I knew I kinda liked it when I would hold cagedmonkey down. Pinning him to the mattress with my hands or my knees and using my own body and weight to hold him down against his will. We haven’t exactly explored that deeply but after this recent discovery, I’m positive we will.

At first I was very surprised at myself and maybe even a little scared that I would like something like this. I don’t know why I would like it, how could I like it? It so not right, not something a normal person would enjoy. What is wrong with me? Well, one thing that communication with cagedmonkey has done is given me someone to talk to about those feelings. Someone to tell me it’s ok to enjoy something with another consenting adult. There doesn’t have to be an explanation or reason for liking it. We decided awhile back, in exploring these things, that we would stop asking or worrying about why. We would just go with what felt good… as long as we both felt good doing it.

I do believe a spontaneous orgasm would be the classic definition of “sexual gratification” from something. I’m content accepting the fact that I have this “fetish” but what exactly IS this fetish? I do not feel this fits what a sadist is but rather my fetish is about complete control over someone, down to the most basic of needs… like breathing.

Is there a name that describes this intense sexual gratification from control?

My Lady’s Pussy is DELICIOUS

Oh, Lord, do I love eating My Lady’s pussy!

I absolutely love making ML cum with just my tongue. It turns me on so much that I can please her with just my mouth. ML will say that I’m pretty talented with my tongue (and I won’t argue, hehe), but I think most of my “talent” comes from being totally into doing it and adjusting to how My Lady is reacting.

My Lady enjoys it when I make love to her pussy with my mouth. I kiss and lick her pussy all over, sliding my tongue in between her soft pussy lips. I treat her pussy lips the same way I would treat her mouth if I were kissing her – I use my mouth all over, sucking her clit and lips gently into my mouth, worshipping her pussy with my mouth. Her hand will almost always caress the back of my head and pull me closer to her, wordlessly asking for more. I love the connection we have when I please My Lady like this.

Tonight, however, was something completely different.

ML laid down on the couch, and I began doing my duty.  :)~  Very quickly, I felt a strong desire wash over me. I was hungry for her pussy. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. I began attacking her pussy with my tongue from all angles. This wasn’t the nomal, sweet pussy licking My Lady is used to. This was on another level. This wasn’t making love with my tongue, this was fucking her pussy with my mouth. And I was fucking her as hard as my tongue would allow.

I sucked on her clit hard, swirling my tongue fast over and over on her sensitive flesh. I controlled my breathing so I didn’t let up on her for even a second. Soon, she was gasping, trying hard to keep her moans quiet. She looked down at me and met my eyes, and she knew. She saw my eyes smile as I increased my speed. Her hips rose up to meet my mouth as she fought to hold eye contact. She saw my eyes smile as I moaned into her pussy, and that set her off. She cried out and her hips lifted a good foot and a half off of the couch. I held her down as best as I could with my hands and my mouth, never letting up my tongue-flicking pace.

Then came one of my favorite “My Lady Reactions” – the curse words. When her orgasm takes off and she really loses control, she starts spewing dirty words all over the place, heavy with “fuck”s and “oh shit”s and the oh so wonderful “goddamn motherfucker.” Tonight was no exception; I was called all of those names and more, and yet my tongue STILL didn’t waver.

I think near the end, My Lady was simply continuously cumming. She would buck her hips up and hold them in the air for a few seconds, then back down and up again. She whimpered, she moaned, she screamed… I was in fucking heaven. Giving My Lady pleasure this intense is what keeps me going! When I finally let her down off of her orgasmic rollercoaster, she was panting to catch her breath and I was smiling from ear to ear with her gooey pussy cum all over my chin.

I went to go get a towel for my chin, and when I came back into the room ML was frantically rubbing her pussy. Apparently, just the afterglow of the amazing pussy eating she received was enough to make her want to cum again. So, being the good boy that I am for her, I went over to the couch to help her out. I slid two fingers inside her soaking wet pussy and began to fuck her with my hand as she rubbed her clit. Even after cumming so much while I was eating her out, she came hard once again – I absolutely LOVE how multiorgasmic ML is, and easy to trigger as well! This time, I felt her pussy grip my fingers as she came, and she squirted pussy juice all over my hand and the couch!

It was a very intense night. My Lady loves to be serviced like the lady she is, but sometimes she craves to be taken hard and aggressively. I am glad that I not only am I able to do both of these for her, but I can also sense exactly what she needs from moment to moment.

My Taste of Freedom

Last night I had my first full erection in over two weeks. Oh… my…. GOD did it feel great! I never expected something as simple as my cock getting hard would be such a wonderful feeling, but I gotta admit that it was incredible. After being locked in the Jalbird for 24 hours a day for 17 days straight, just sitting there and seeing my hard cock was very fulfilling. I felt like a man again, sexually strong and powerful… at least, to a degree. My Lady still controlled my cock, allowed my cock to get hard, and also did not give me permission to cum. But I was willing to take what I could get!

And if just being able to get hard wasn’t enough, My Lady allowed me to feel the inside of her warm wet pussy with my cock. Holy fuck in heaven, it was so amazing. She was so fucking tight, she was squeezing me so hard. I warned ML that I couldn’t do much since I was basically on the edge of orgasm the moment my cock sank into her pussy. No problem for her, she was already cumming just from having my cock stretch her out for the first time in a long time. She also rubbed her clit to give herself an even bigger orgasm after that. I managed a few thrusts as she was cumming to help boost her high a little, but I still wasn’t able to do much.

It felt wonderful to finally be free and able to feel My Lady’s pussy with something other than my tongue, my fingers, or my caged cock. Flesh on flesh, there’s nothing like it. I am lucky that ML feels the same way, that she will always have a need to have me inside her and that no toy could ever take my place.

My freedom was short lived – I was back in the Jailbird within a half hour in order to get to work on time. My Lady plans on using the next month to tease me to the brink of insanity. She is very excited that she has now decided that she will be letting me out a lot more often during the month of May; without the protection of the cage, she can really let loose on teasing my cock. Will I be longing for the days that just passed, where I knew the limitations of ML’s teasing, and all I had to deal with was the crushing tightness of the steel around my throbbing shaft?

I Can’t Take it Being Locked in Chastity 24/7

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I couldn’t do it! I was trying to keep cagedmonkey locked 24/7 for a month. A month with no erections, no touching his penis, not feeling me… and ultimately me not feeling him either.

I made it 17 days! Haha it seriously felt like way longer than that. Especially that first moment I took off his cage and saw his cock instantly become erect. Cagedmonkey had no idea I was going to unlock him. I’d actually made the decision earlier today but we didn’t have a chance at alone time until almost 8 pm when the kids went to bed. After tucking them in I took off my necklace where the key hangs. I put it in the palm of my hand and only revealed it to hubby when we were in the middle of making out and dry humping like teenagers. 🙂

Once I got him unlocked, he turned the ring to put the post behind his balls. That helps with it poking me during playtime. Then slowly, very slowly he slid his raging hard cock into my pussy. Stretching me as he slowly filled me up. It wasn’t even a minute before my body reacted. It felt absolutely incredible to feel my pussy tighten around his big fat cock. Squeezing it so tight, my body shaking as I came so hard. The orgasm was so intense and long and I was unable to let out my screams that it ended with a headache. A headache well worth having!

So I’m sure we’ll try the zero time out again but for now I’ll be playing with my toy often until June. I’m still aiming at maybe day being in June – at least! I love feeling how much he wants me, how horny he is for me constantly. So, who knows, maybe I’ll want to keep him there a while! 🙂

Chastity Soundtrack

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Driving wearing his monkey pants!


Of course cagedmonkey and I are driving back home from my father’s Memorial and what song comes on the radio? “You Can’t Touch This” haha he certainly can’t, can he? 🙂 I did get a cute little tease in while singing it to him and made him smile.

Overall, the services for my father were good. I’ve done a lot of crying the past few days and cagedmonkey has been my rock. Such a man just being there for anything I need. He was on kid duty a lot because being around my very large family I end up being pulled in 20 directions from everyone who wants to talk to me.

The past few days have been so hard and I miss my hubby even though we’ve been right next to each other! We haven’t had much intimate time but last night I made sure to get me some. Cagedmonkey had gone to bed before me and had fallen asleep so when I came in I took off my dress and climbed in bed with him to press my boobies against his naked chest. Oh man did it ever feel awesome skin to skin like that. We made out a bit and then snuggled together and fell asleep. Though we were up a couple times at night because he was dreaming about us and would get some touchy feely stuff in.

We’re about 7 hours from home and have to wait that much longer to finally get some quiet alone time together. We cannot wait!!