Bad to the Boner

My Lady recently posted on a common dilema that keyholders face: do they want their sub to be so desperate that he will disobey his domme? It’s a very interesting take, and I completely understand where she is coming from.  Speaking for myself, I’m not the type to go against my keyholder. I absolutely LOVE being subjected to her desires, servicing her needs, and partaking in her pleasure. Nothing turns me on more than pleasing My Lady. I would probably need some sort of signal from her to indicate her mood, otherwise I would most likely obey her to the ends of the earth. After all, isn’t that what I got into this for?

I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I never really understood the purpose of an “anti-pullout” feature on a chastity device. I get the idea of increased security leading to a more complete chastity experience, but an anti-pullout device really shouldn’t be necessary. First of all, if you need to be prevented from pulling out that badly, you’re going to find another way to get out of your cage. Even the best designed anti-pullout can be defeated with a little determination… and a fair bit of pain, I would assume! Second of all, if you need to be prevented from pulling out that badly, it probably means that you aren’t ready for the realities of giving over complete control in a chastity situation. Nobody out there has “accidentally” slipped out of their cage; it’s a deliberate action to disobey your keyholder.

Why would a man in chastity want to purposefully disobey his keyholder? In my opinion, these are guys who are still trying to cling to some sense of control over their situation – “topping from the bottom,” as it were. These are the guys who tell their keyholder what they want to have done to them, and throw a tantrum when they don’t get it. These are the guys who lock themselves in a device without the request of their keyholder.  They aren’t ready to hand over full and complete control to their keyholder.

And you know what? It’s okay! It’s okay if you are one of those guys. Nobody should enter a full, indefinite chastity lifestyle (like the one My Lady and I live) without considering their true feelings about being powerless. Communication between the sub and keyholder about these feelings is important so both can find common ground to start on. If you don’t start off on the same page, resentment can build in the relationship. And resentment is a total turnoff.

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One response to “Bad to the Boner

  1. Monkey- there is a bit of a mental difference in being locked in a cage that you *won’t* [try to] get out of, versus a cage that you *can’t* get out of. It’s a matter of ‘choice’. Choosing to resist the temptation to escape/cheat/whatever you want to call it involves willpower and free will, while a cage from which escape is impossible removes the element of ‘free will’. Some of us find the element of the removal of free will desirable, we get off on the idea/reality of not having a ‘choice’, that once ‘locked in’ we will remain that way [i]whether we ‘want’ to or not[/i] until such time as someone else chooses to release us.

    For you, willing submission may be acceptable and desirable. Others, however, want to experience a greater sense of loss of control and risk. Consider an [imperfect] analogy of free-fall sky-diving: You can *choose* whether to jump out of the plane, or not, but once you have stepped out you have no longer have any ‘choice’- you are *committed* and [i]you *cannot* get back on that plane[/i] no matter how much you might want to. Your ‘chute will [i]probably[/i] open…but it might not, there is a risk, however small, that you could go *splat*. Another analogy might be a roller-coaster ride: You can choose to get on the ride, but once it starts, the operator is not going to stop the ride and let you out no matter how much you scream that you’ve changed your mind and want to get off- *that* is [at least part of] the thrill for us.

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