When the Other Shoe Drops – Domdrop

I borrowed this from another website (can’t remember which now, sorry) to help me explain something I experienced for the first time last night.

“During BDSM play, both the dominant and submissive partner may experience feelings of euphoria caused by endorphin rush. After play is over, in addition to the drop in endorphins, the after-effects of power exchange, physicality, and emotional release during BDSM play may leave one or both partners feeling lost, sad, or anxious after play is over. Dominants may also experience feelings of guilt for having used and/or hurt their subs.”

The above quote is discussing Domme drop (or Top drop) which refers to the specific and temporary reaction one can have after an intense scene. It can happen anywhere from half an hour to a couple days after a session. Dominants can have a very strong reaction to the sudden dump of emotions. We play hard, we let out parts of ourselves that have likely never been exposed, we explore our predatory natures. Our bodies fill with adrenalin and endorphins. A Dominant can find themselves suddenly crying, depressed, guilt ridden, insecure, scared, or any combination of emotions and physical reactions. Some just become suddenly exhausted. Some have little or no reaction.

This is exactly what happened to me last night. We had a particularly intense session of submission for cagedmonkey. I grabbed ahold of my power and took him pretty rough with the strap on by the end of it. I was revved up, hot, horny, aggressive and feeling very powerful. It felt so good to push him around, position him where I wanted, do what I wanted to him. He both hated and loved every minute of it. He is definitely not a butt slut but does like that I want him like that. That I will use him that way, for purely my pleasure.

Last night was a work night for hubby so our time together was very limited but I was very much craving that power over him and wanted to force some submission on him. Usually after an intense session we end with some cuddling aftercare. It’s in our contract that I provide this for my subby hubby and I just love holding him after anyway. It’s beautiful having him lay on my chest and me hold him and tell him everything is ok and I love him. So last night the aftercare was extremely short. Cagedmonkey had to rush out the door to work.  

I think last night I realized that I, the dominant, need that aftercare just as much as a sub. About a half an hour after hubby walked out the door I was sitting here alone and just burst out crying for a few minutes. I started to freak out as to what the fuck was going on and even caused myself an anxiety attack. I took some anxiety meds and calmed myself down and started to research (yes, you’ll find I do a lot of that!). I just had to know what happened to me.   Let me tell you not to worry it is a short lived reaction. It was a sudden dump of emotions and my body needed to deal with them however it knew how… crying was that reaction apparently.

Dom and sub drop may happen for several different reasons. One cause is chemical. Adrenalin and endorphins are powerful chemical hormones in our bodies. When the hormones start to leave our systems it is not unusual to have symptoms similar to withdrawal. Fatigue, mood swings, depression, these are all common reactions to both Dominants and submissives. People process the chemicals in their bodies in very different ways and react to them in their own way too, so there is no way to know how a person’s going to react.  

The point of this post is help others Dommes (and subs) know that it’s important to understand what is going on in your body. It’s also important to understand that it’s normal to have these reactions, and they will go away shortly.


6 responses to “When the Other Shoe Drops – Domdrop

  1. Pingback: Good Dominants Give Good Aftercare | Pandora's Box

  2. Interesting perspective. My wife has never mentioned anything about feeling like that after play. I always cuddle her in a spoon position and I’m not sure what would be different if for some reason we couldn’t do that. Even though sometimes the pain is a little more than I think I can take (or I really wanted to come this time!), it is exciting that she draws that line and I actually feel much closer to her emotionally, feeling that she ‘understands’ me. I often do have trouble going to sleep, because I am so excited by submitting to her.

    I know it may come across as heresy, but I masturbated the other day and I felt lousy for almost the entire day. Was it because I violated a rule, or had a heavy dose of the post-orgasm neurochemicals that cause males to drop in their submissiveness? Don’t know. I just know I really didn’t like how I felt, and I don’t want to do that again – I would say I felt depressed. Normally when she lets me come, I don’t feel nearly that bad. It’s tough with busy working parents in that we can’t exactly find the time to play with each other, but I do have a sex drive that needs to be dealt with (even when she can’t deal with it) and at some point I can’t think straight because I am so horny (which is not good for my career).


    • Not everyone will experience a drop, sub or Domme but you know it if you happen to be someone who does. I’m still in a shitty funk and need out of it!

      I have issues with hormones to begin with so I think the overload his my system rather hard!

      You bad boy for masturbating… you ought to get a spanking for that… I say 50 lashes at least! 😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s