I borrowed this from another website (can’t remember which now, sorry) to help me explain something I experienced for the first time last night.
“During BDSM play, both the dominant and submissive partner may experience feelings of euphoria caused by endorphin rush. After play is over, in addition to the drop in endorphins, the after-effects of power exchange, physicality, and emotional release during BDSM play may leave one or both partners feeling lost, sad, or anxious after play is over. Dominants may also experience feelings of guilt for having used and/or hurt their subs.”
The above quote is discussing Domme drop (or Top drop) which refers to the specific and temporary reaction one can have after an intense scene. It can happen anywhere from half an hour to a couple days after a session. Dominants can have a very strong reaction to the sudden dump of emotions. We play hard, we let out parts of ourselves that have likely never been exposed, we explore our predatory natures. Our bodies fill with adrenalin and endorphins. A Dominant can find themselves suddenly crying, depressed, guilt ridden, insecure, scared, or any combination of emotions and physical reactions. Some just become suddenly exhausted. Some have little or no reaction.
This is exactly what happened to me last night. We had a particularly intense session of submission for cagedmonkey. I grabbed ahold of my power and took him pretty rough with the strap on by the end of it. I was revved up, hot, horny, aggressive and feeling very powerful. It felt so good to push him around, position him where I wanted, do what I wanted to him. He both hated and loved every minute of it. He is definitely not a butt slut but does like that I want him like that. That I will use him that way, for purely my pleasure.
Last night was a work night for hubby so our time together was very limited but I was very much craving that power over him and wanted to force some submission on him. Usually after an intense session we end with some cuddling aftercare. It’s in our contract that I provide this for my subby hubby and I just love holding him after anyway. It’s beautiful having him lay on my chest and me hold him and tell him everything is ok and I love him. So last night the aftercare was extremely short. Cagedmonkey had to rush out the door to work.
I think last night I realized that I, the dominant, need that aftercare just as much as a sub. About a half an hour after hubby walked out the door I was sitting here alone and just burst out crying for a few minutes. I started to freak out as to what the fuck was going on and even caused myself an anxiety attack. I took some anxiety meds and calmed myself down and started to research (yes, you’ll find I do a lot of that!). I just had to know what happened to me. Let me tell you not to worry it is a short lived reaction. It was a sudden dump of emotions and my body needed to deal with them however it knew how… crying was that reaction apparently.
Dom and sub drop may happen for several different reasons. One cause is chemical. Adrenalin and endorphins are powerful chemical hormones in our bodies. When the hormones start to leave our systems it is not unusual to have symptoms similar to withdrawal. Fatigue, mood swings, depression, these are all common reactions to both Dominants and submissives. People process the chemicals in their bodies in very different ways and react to them in their own way too, so there is no way to know how a person’s going to react.
The point of this post is help others Dommes (and subs) know that it’s important to understand what is going on in your body. It’s also important to understand that it’s normal to have these reactions, and they will go away shortly.