Locked vs. Unlocked: The Great Debate

Last weekend, My Lady allowed me to spend some time unlocked after getting a surprising orgasm on Friday night. It was a semi-honeymoon of sorts, our first one since starting this chastity lifestyle. It was very nice to have the ability to be free with my sexuality. I began to think that although being locked and being unlocked are two different situations (and honeymoon being a third completely opposite one), each situation has its own reasons for being enjoyable.

I enjoy being locked by ML mainly because of the feelings I get when I am controlled by her. The lock on my cage gives me no option but to bend to her wishes and to serve her desires. The fact that she chooses to keep me locked and to hold this control over me makes me feel valued, as if I am a prized possession of hers. She keeps me safe and secure so only she may play with me when she wishes. I also get a feeling of safety and security when locked, knowing and trusting that she will only use me in ways that please her. It may not be the best thing to satisfy my wants and needs, but because of the decision I’ve made to put ML before me, it is exactly what I want.

Being unlocked is a little different. And let me be clear – by “unlocked” I mean not kept in a device, but still under the sexual control of My Lady. For example, yesterday I was released from my cage and ML spent the day forcing erections on me, riding her cock when she saw fit, denying me orgasm all day long, and eventually giving me TWO back-to-back ruined orgasms before putting me back in my cage. At no time was ML not in control. I was unlocked, but still every bit the sub that I am when wearing my cage.

Anyway, as I was saying… being unlocked is different. The feelings of excitement come from different places. While I feel valued and treasured like a prized collectible when locked, I feel wanted and desired when unlocked, like ML’s well-worn favorite toy. And while being caged gives me a sense of security, being free gives me the exciting feeling of uncertainty, that anything can happen at any given moment (and often does). Sometimes the worst teases happen when I’m not in my cage, simply because ML can bring me so close to the orgasm I so desperately crave and desire, yet I have no idea when these moments may come and I have no way to prepare for or recover from them.

Even though I am thoroughly enjoying our lifestyle of enforced male chastity, I still do look forward to our honeymoon periods. It’s not that I don’t want to be controlled. It’s just nice to know that we can still be normal after being so kinky. It almost seems as if things have reversed – most couples use kink to spice up their sex lives and prevent things from getting boring, while we use our vanilla honeymoon time to do the same. Which is perfectly fine by me… I’m loving this “new normal” every exciting step of the way!


4 responses to “Locked vs. Unlocked: The Great Debate

  1. We’ve had some outside pressures that have prevented us from playing a lot lately. I think we both enjoy the Femdom sex play when we “can”. I agree it is nice to switch back and forth from vanilla to kinky.

    With respect to “locked” vs. “unlocked”: I think locking me up is just more of my fantasy than hers. She decided on a “rule” that I would be locked only when we are apart (which is very rare), but when those rare times comes up she doesn’t enforce it and I don’t want to “top from the bottom” by suggesting it. It’s hard being a sub sometimes 😛

    When locked, I become too needy for her. I want her to tease me about holding the key and having this power over me. Things like texting me photos of the key (often in her bra), making double entendres about keys and locks, and teasing me about throwing the key away. And I want to play sexually every night (with her coming of course). I think that she just isn’t interested in that, or “maintenance” is too overwhelming for her. For me anyway, it’s not simply a matter of her holding a key, but it is an attitude of dominance otherwise I get quickly bored and feel lonely. I have blogged a good deal about needing a quality erection pretty regularly for my self esteem.

    She prefers me unlocked because she likes seeing and feeling my physical desire for her. It is an erotic thing for her to be completely sexually satisfied and for my erection/desire to simply fade away because she controls my release, or for her to feel my erection poking her as she drifts to sleep. The absolute BEST way for me to be denied is when I gain access to her but she tells me not to come, and then I am forced to hold back knowing if I let loose she would be really disappointed. Very hot when I have her juices all over my cock but only she has come. That’s why I am not locked much ~ she likes knowing how much I want her.


    • It was difficult for me to avoid the “top from the bottom” situation when we first started, as well. With good communication and trust, I was able to give control over to My Lady and truly submit to her by giving up my fantasies and preconceived notions of chastity.

      I also have the problem of feeling bored and lonely when ignored. However, for ML and me, chastity does not equal the absence of sex or intimacy. It actually enhances it! When I’m locked, it increases the desire for both of us; snot only do I miss my much valued erections, but she also misses the physical display of my need and desire for her. The throbbing flesh of her cock pressing through the bars is usually a good indication of how much I want her, though. 🙂

      One other comment I wanted to make: ML and I use both chastity and T&D as separate tools for her to exercise her control over me. Sometimes she will leave me locked 24/7 for days at a time. Other times she will let me out for regular teasings. In both cases I’m denied orgasm, the goal being to increase my desire until I’m near insane with need. If this is the type of “chastity schedule” you guys follow… as long as it works for you, then it’s great. You aren’t “doing it wrong” if you aren’t being locked up all day every day for months and months. If it’s what you guys want, then you are doing it right.


  2. I just wanted to touch on the “locked vs unlocked” thing because it’s one of my pet peeves. Not you or you post – it’s that whenever the concept come up, there is invariably an argument about which is better or more “real.” My contention is that anyone arguing about it misses the point: they are two completely different kinks.

    And I totally agree with the idea of taking breaks. Mrs. Edge and I like to switch things up, or else we’d get just as bored.

    Anyway, I added you to my personal blogroll. I’m looking forward to some good posts by the both of you.


    • Thanks Tom! I think that was the point cm was making is that they are two totally different things each having their own emotions and excitement attached! 🙂 not that one is better than the other just much different feelings happening!


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